Big Thigh Gemini

I mostly doodle when taking notes, or make silly animations about whatever hyperfixation is shaking me by the shoulders. I love sleeping, I love the stage, and I love not playing D&D because I'm too busy thinking about it 24/7 instead. I'm also (sometimes) a drag king - my social for that is @zanderzamboni on Instagram!"

"My trans journey has been extremely complicated. I've spent years going back and forth, repressing myself back into my cisgender life, coming back out again, facing difficulties and harassment, questioning, the cycle continues... this piece showcases an aspect that isn't seen much in mainstream trans stories. The grief I have for my potential, lost life as a woman. And the choice I'm making to go a different path. This image appeared to me in a dream, I know it sounds silly but I have never had such a strong "sign" beamed into my subconscious like this, such a clear answer to years of questioning.

I look up at her, happily getting married, friends in the background, wearing a beautiful lilac dress - but there's a sadness in her eyes as she looks at me. She sees in me the potential of a happy life as a transmasc person, just as I see in her the potential of a happy life as a woman. Seeing her, the fantasy played out, is enough to give me the push back into fully accepting and embracing my transness. I needed a sign that she would be OK. In an alternate universe, I could be this beautiful woman. I'm glad I saw that possibility. But in this world, in this moment, I am trans, and I am fully happy to be it, now. Looking back through old pictures doesn't hurt as much anymore - I'm glad I was a happy woman for a while, but now it is time for something else, something that will make me even happier, ecstatic, euphoric. The regret in her eyes isn't necessarily about staying within the binary. After all, I wouldn't mind living a lifetime of thousands of genders and expressions and be content as a woman one day down the line. Who knows where my journey will take me! No, the regret that I saw in her eyes was her not living like me sooner."