Alex

"I am transmasc, and I am really actively involved in multiple different groups for the LGBT community. I am very passionate about helping the community and creating safe spaces for everyone. I think being visible is important but it also comes with risks, and this is something I have accepted but I think the knowledge that I'm helping other LGBT people in the community outweighs the hate that putting yourself out there as an LGBT individual brings. 

I really like being a part of all these groups and trying to make the world a little better for the LGBT community - I want to be the person I didn't have when I was discovering my more about who I was and my gender.

To me poetry is a release, a way to creatively and safely get my feelings out. I also find that poetry is something that can help others, it isn't always easy to express how you feel and to see how you feel encompassed in a poem can be something so comforting, it shows people they aren't alone and solidifies how they feel. Poetry can show people that how they feel isn't wrong or weird, it shows that other people feel that way and they aren't alone.

Other people's poetry has helped me and I've always hoped to be able to do the same with my writing. When I first started questioning my gender poetry helped me so much, it was such a scary time and having a positive outlet for my feelings was life-saving. I have written so many poems on gender and my feelings around both it in society and how I feel about my own gender.."

IG: @petren33

This Gender Binary

I am my mother’s daughter

But some days I wish I was my father’s son,

And some days I’m just done with gender,

This constricting binary that’s been created,

Forced upon the world,

The stereotypes and false expectations,

These so-called foundations to our society,

But why,

I’ve tried to understand but there is no reason,

No reason for this binary,

So when will we finally abandon it,

Quit all of this,

Why is there so much pressure to be cis,

To fit into this binary,

It just doesn’t make sense,

This fencing, these boxes we’ve created,

I’ve always hated them,

I’ve never fitted into these boxes,

They’ve always felt so toxic,

So what if I’m not my mother’s daughter or my father’s son,

I’m not just doing this for fun,

I’ve wanted to run away from this for so long,

But I’ve just never felt quite like I belong,

This gender binary just feels wrong.

What Society Expects

You say I’m pretty in pink

But that’s not what I think,

Pink is supposedly female

And I don’t want to live up to that age-old tale,

I don’t wear dresses or skirts,

Even the thought of wearing one hurts,

Because it’s what society expects,

What has been reflected onto being female,

So I hate all of those things and what they entail,

Skirts, dresses and everything pink,

I do the opposite of what society expects,

All of these complex expectations,

I think they’re abominations,

No matter gender or sexuality,

You should be allowed to just be you,

To be able to see through what we wear,

To just not care about it,

Allow people to just be who they really and truly are

And not look far into what they wear,

After all, why should people care?

"The following poems were inspired by the hate I received online during pride month. I was the face of my university for pride month, which resulted in a lot of hateful comments from people online. 

Pride month is such an important time for the community and all the hate reminded me why the month is so important - but also this put a bit of a damper on the month for me. Online hate is horrible, but you've got to remember they're just strangers on the internet. 

It's so important to be visible, especially during pride month when people are actively watching the LGBT community more than they usually are. Not everyone in the community can be visible and seen by the rest of the community, so it is important for those of us who are visible to be loud for the rest of the community. 

I know that what I am doing by putting myself out there made the hate that bit better, and I want to help people. I know how hard it is being a trans person, how alone it can feel, and seeing other people being loud and visible made me feel better during my gender journey. I want to help people the same way that people helped me."

Out There

I put myself out there for everyone to see,

I show the world the real me,

It makes me feel free

But also terrifies me,

For people to see who I really am

Is amazing,

It brings so much confidence and joy

To people in the LGBT community,

But it also brings fear,

Fear of unacceptance,

That someone will take offence by me

And come after me,

The ideas I have

And the sentiments I share

Rip me back bare,

Leave not much else to find,

I’ve left the closet behind,

I smashed it to pieces,

Burned every remanence of it away,

None of us should ever have to stay there,

That’s why a lay myself bare to the world,

Why I have unfolded my journey to all who want to listen,

But that doesn’t mean I’m not scared,

I’ve heard what they say,

Seen what they’ll do,

The way all those bigots view our community,

But it feels so free to just be me,

The real me,

And I want everyone to see that,

It’s a matter of fact,

I’m a transgender

And there’s nothing wrong with that,

I have to let the people know,

Show the community that it’s okay to be yourself,

There’s nothing wrong with you,

I will be the visibility,

They will see me,

I will be free

And help others to be the same,

No matter how much shame the world bestows upon me,

I may be scared

But it’s too late now,

I’ve laid my soul bare,

I will tear away all that hate,

It’s not too late.

They Want to Kill Us

They want to kill us,

Shove us in a corner,

You want us to mourn our own existence,

Accept that who we’re born as

Is who we always have to be,

But you don’t see,

We can’t just be,

We’re born in the wrong body,

It isn’t our choice,

We’re not changing

We’re just rearranging,

Becoming the person we are actually supposed to be,

Because you see my chromosomes are a lie,

I’m not a girl

I’m a guy,

I’m just making things right,

I’m not doing this out of spite,

I’m not trying to go against anything,

I’m just trying to bring peace to this body,

To settle my mind,

What would you do,

Not everyone finds themselves in the wrong body,

But those of us that do

It’s a pain you can’t imagine,

We didn’t one day just happen to choose,

Randomly decide to change everything,

To become a trangender,

A bender of gender,

No,

That’s not how it works,

It’s not a choice,

That’s not how it works,

If I could choose not to be trans I would,

Life would be so much easier,

But I can’t,

And I won’t,

I will stand for the community

In the hopes that eventually people see that I am just being me,

We all are,

We’re never far away,

We’re here to stay,

We never left,

You can’t escape us,

You can’t erase us,

We won’t let you.

Myself or the world

I want to be myself,

I’ve come so far,

Discovered so much about myself

But also about the world,

I’ve seen things,

Heard things

I never thought I would,

I never thought that being myself could be a crime,

I’ve spent so much time getting to this place,

I’ve faced so much just to get here

And I didn’t think that would bring so much fear,

I thought once I’d found myself that would be it

But instead it came with an even harder hit,

It’s hard to be myself,

I can’t ask for help

Because I don’t know what I’ll get,

Or at least not yet,

Not now,

Somehow I need to find a way to get by,

To be myself and be safe,

But it’s so hard,

I can be safe in the world

Or safe in my own mind,

I can’t seem to find an inbetween,

There’s no way to be myself,

For the world to see who I truly am

Without risking my health,

Both mental and physical,

I can’t tell everyone who I am,

I’m not sure I can tell anyone

Because you just don’t know,

I want to show the world who I cam

But I just don’t know,

It’s scary,

I’ve seen what’s out there,

What can happen,

And I don’t what that again

But you just don’t know when it will,

Words can kill

And I don’t think I can take it,

And I don’t want to have to,

I don’t know what to sacrifice,

Me or the world,

I want to be heard

But I’m scared,

I can’t.