Kai (The Riders)

"Kai (he/they/hx/rider) is an eighteen-year-old transmasc boyflux and vincian aro-ace student, who is also autistic and a plural system. He writes poetry sometimes about his experiences and trying to find hope in the darkest of times, taking inspiration from music and shows he likes. Apart from that, he loves Kamen Rider, F1, drums, and martial arts."

Content note: violence (moderate, brief)

To Those Lost In Darkness

As the sun sets,

I look upon a horrifying fate that may be set upon me in the morning,

Hopes of a better world dashed in the heatwaved world,

Sweat mixing with tears at the world collapsing around me,

And nothing I can do about it.

Another step backwards into the darkness,

A grappling hook stabbed in our backs,

Ripping us backwards,

And it feels like my strength is sapping,

And it’s not enough to stop my vision being overcome with darkness,

And the rivers being tinged red with the misdirected anger of a nation,

As all collapses.

It’s like the 5 minutes of hate from a book I read,

The governments misdirecting angst onto a group who just want to live in peace,

Stabbing their own people in the back to remain in power,

For no good reason except their own greed.

And yet, life somehow continues on as normal,

Despite the digital world being engulfed in fear and hatred,

Reflecting the storm outside.

I hear another scream in the night, the algorithms amplifying it beyond belief,

Until I can hear nothing but it ripping through the day.

Everything feels… wrong.

I thought this was meant to be the generation that would fix the world.

It would be hard, but we would make it.

It was prophesied by our elders: the new world had arrive, one of rejecting shame,

Embracing change, not destroying it.

That same cycle has now turned on us, as it is non linear,

And now the armies of the world turn on innocents,

For seemingly no good reason.

There is no reason for this.

This is glorified chaos.

In the darkness, however, I find a friend.

Many, actually.

There is a camp, far to the south, one to the west, too:

Holding the survivors of this tragedy, seeking to find hope despite an unsafe world.

They have banners of the brightest colours.

Lost in the darkness, I follow the torchlight,

And knock on their gates:

They let me in without question.

I spend a while there, trying to find… something.

But I still fear for my future.

I know things are slowly changing, in the armies of the brainwashed hatred,

Many are questioning their leaders, and some have burnt their orders,

Seeking a true purpose, not just burning out their souls…

But I don’t know if it is enough.

I cry out into the void, hoping for an answer…

But I get nothing.

Was I wrong in some way?

Why had the world turned on me like this?

Were they right the whole time… the hatred was true?

Someone found me, and hugged me.

‘The world is hard, I know, but you have chosen the right path. You have honoured your soul before it; that’s why they’re angry at you, because they lack the strength to do so themselves,’ they said.

Then, they set up a fire, and many people creeped out of the darkness to join us.

Someone a lot like me, dark brown hair and an infectious smile,

A poet with red hair, cutting blue eyes who had ambitions to change the world with her words,

A collection of creatures and warriors, just trying their best, with gentle words;

Someone I knew before, struggling with their own problems, but having figured out the truth of his heart.

I wept, out of catharsis… 

The world was collapsing in on us, but I didn’t have to face the weight of the world alone,

I had friends of many kinds:

I was never wrong, I was never alone, either.

There were people out there who would accept me, celebrate me, and love me,

No matter what the armies of hatred threw at them.

Then, I saw something on one of their banners, which clicked it all in my brain:

‘The future is queer; the future is trans’.

The sun has been obscured from view… but it’s still there.

A revolution has begun, in these bases,

Against the old world, and its hatred…

And it’s winning.

This is the army of hatred’s last sad attempt to keep their world from collapsing, 

And even if it feels like they’re winning the battle:

They are not winning the war.

As their numbers dwindle, they scream more out into their collapsing voids they are stuck in,

And some day, it will finally collapse,

And we will emerge out of the bases, into a new blue sky,

And there will be hope.

The next generation will not have to live in fear as we did, their ‘moral panic’ long gone,

They will be free to find themselves, grow old, and live in peace.

And so, as tributes are lain to those who couldn’t make it to that world,

And my heart burns with half anger, half defiance,

I turn to the ashy sky, remembering the sky is still there, and go:

‘For humanity’s sake, I will, and we will, find you… freedom.’

"I wrote this back in June 2023, after doomscrolling and finding a bunch of transphobic news. I don't even remember what it was. Anyway, this is a story of resistance, despite the wave of transphobic 'moral panic' the right-wing have been pushing for the past few years. It's about finding community through that, which I picture as a castle-like place, and knowing that someday this will pass, and that even by existing, we're helping to create a better world.

This takes inspiration from several sources, the message is somewhat inspired by a TV show called Kamen Rider Geats that I've found a lot of comfort in. As well, I've taken elements from 1984, the work of Mars Wright and other influencers, and the people in the base the narrator meets are inspired by my own friends, who are either allies, trans, or queer. This poem is essentially my journey to find community and hope despite a hostile world, and a tribute to the resilience of the trans community.

My hope for this is that it helps to ground someone, and make their day a little bit easier, because I needed that so badly, even 6 months ago."