Mallin Fox

Malin Fox (he/they) is a disabled, autistic, adhd, aro-ace, non-binary transmasc poet, crafter, artist and activist based in York, where he lives with his partner, child and 2 cats. His work focuses mainly on his experience of mental illness, neurodivergence, and queerness.

Instagram: @malin.fox

TikTok: @malfoxxxy

Musings on Mutilation

There are a number of times

I've wondered to myself 

Just how much alcohol do I need 

To strike that perfect balance

Between not being able to feel pain;

Like that time my friend had a branch fall on her head 

And she shook it off and kept walking;

And still having the focus and dexterity 

To carry out a double mastectomy on myself.

There are a number of times

I have stood in front of the mirror

And wondered just how sharp

Is cheese wire? Is it sharp enough?

Finer than a garrote that slices necks?

How much would that hurt?

Cos my breasts, not as soft as cheddar, right?

And would the surgeons try to save the mess?

Try to reconstruct some semblance of what they were?

Or would they finish the job?

There are a number of times

I've stood in front of the microwave 

Wishing it really were strong enough

To cause cancer so I could press my tits against it

Set it going, and create a growth...

Or maybe I have the genetic predisposition,

And I could convince the surgeons to take them...

Either way, something that could be used...

That would give me the excuse to have them removed.

I know, I know... no, I don't actually want cancer, 

But...

These are the thoughts we don't talk about

The carcinoma daydreams 

And mutilation musings 

That we don't admit out loud

That lead our minds down abhorrent pathways 

To dark places...

And so, no, when we trans people get surgery

We're not mutilating ourselves

But deny that healthcare to us, and

Then... then it might actually happen.

lgbT

T is for Trouble, because if you deny our existence, you can expect our resistance

T is for Tenacity, because our existence is persistence

T is for Titties, both growing, and going.

T is for Timberrrrrrr, because when you cut one of us down, we will carve their name into the

world

T is for Taboo, because they want us to quietly disappear

T is for Tumultuous, because we will say it loud, and say it proud, and we may bring bricks

T is for Tactics, because we have been forced into a war

T is for Temerity, because we boldly go where the haters don’t want us to go

T is for Terrifying, because we bring our wrath with our pride

T is for Timbre, because we raise our multitude of voices in unison,

T is for Temper, because we are forged in the heat of battle

T is for Trust, because we will catch you if you fall

T is for Trials, because it feels like we are judged from all sides

T is for Tribulations, because it feels like a gauntlet we're forced to run

T is for Tremendous, because we are magnificent

T is for Tribute, for we are sacred, make your offering here

T is for Truth, because we will not let lies bring us down

T is for Together, because we are strong when united

T is for Triumph, because we will win in the end

"I saw a post on tiktok where someone joked that the T in LGBT stands for Trouble, and it gave me an instant idea, and I built the final piece over the next few days. It's a call to community, to solidarity, and a reassurance that we will always prevail."