Zee
fluid.
I’m not at all confused
When I look in the mirror and
Find the misery that kept me
Hidden like an out of date
Can of soup in the back
Of my mother’s pantry
I’m not at all confused
As I wrap my chest
And feel my heart bounce
Through my body trying to escape
This prison it was born in
I’m not at all confused
When I learn that we were always here
In every land, in every sect
In every sunrise and sunset
Where your eyes meet the horizon
I’m not at all confused
When people look twice
Or three times
Or four times or
Just stare at all the parts of me
That don’t make sense
I’m not at all confused
When my brother tells me it’s okay
But not to tell my nephews why
I have short hair
And if my voice deepens, to start sending letters instead
I’m not at all confused
When I buy perfume and it smells
Like flowers or wood
But never a forest and never
Not making my face burn
I’m not at all confused
As I walk into my new office
For the first time and my coworker
Makes furtive glances
Wherever womanhood should be
I’m not at all confused
When my trousers hug my hips, my thighs that touch
And yet somehow still leave a gap
Where my broken masculinity sleeps
Though I wouldn’t ever say it out loud
I am only confused
When I see myself
As I am
A drop of the ocean in a drinking glass
etiquette.
Boxes are great for putting things in,
Useful for moving house.
An easy choice when ma wants to shut the door
“Come on are you in or are you out?”
Multiple choice questions on exams
Are the best ones to get
Because even if you don’t know
You can always guess
Sometimes there’s a typo
Or worse - a little white lie
They didn’t check the answer key
And something’s out of line
You’re left to wonder why you’ve only got two choices
And not one of them is grey
But wait ‘til I tell you how gender could be
A hotel breakfast buffet
The unwritten rules of buffet etiquette
No dirty looks or foul words
When some of us are going back
For seconds and then thirds
I can get on board with this,
These rules of don’t ask, just take
Work as long as you stop telling us
That the world is running out of steak
That simply isn’t true,
This place is all you can eat
There’s no high scorers in dream buffets
No second cousin you need to beat
Those thoughts about my waistline
Are both bark and bite,
As when it comes to gender
Well, I’ve got an appetite
Please avert your eyes,
I’m piling my plate tall
Leave me to my tasty gender
I’m going to eat it all.